FUCKED UP ONE-NIGHT STANDS.
Best news ever. From now on making an exit soon after (or right after) sex is regular and socially acceptable. Although we can pretty much accept it all by ourselves. Thanks to the Huffington Post the half-night stand is a thing. “It’s just easier to go sleep in your own bed if you don’t want anything more than sex”, said sex therapist Celeste Hirschman. No more awkward morning after kisses or handshakes. As we say goodbye to our own worst one-night stands; here are you weirdest one, half or five-night stands that make us laugh, cry and a little worried about you too.
“I met a girl in a bar and she was pretty flirty and teasing me. I accompanied her to her place and she took me upstairs. Once in bed, she was quite cold and less daring. After having sex with her I went to the bathroom and discovered I was covered in blood. Turns out she was a virgin. When I went back to the bedroom she kept asking me when I wanted to meet her parents”, Matthew(24).
“After he took care of me he looked up from in between my legs and licked his fingers in front of me. One at a time”, Emma(25).
“I took a guy home and regretted it soon afterwards. He sucked on my toes like a maniac and screamed like a bear. I had to put my hand on his mouth to stop him from waking my roommate but that just encouraged him more”, Bart(25).
“I quietly left her house and when I closed the front door I realized my keys were still inside”, Alex(27).
“I went to a party and left it soon to have sex with my then fuckbuddy. Later, I got back to the party, gotten drunk and ended up fucking someone else the same night. Oops”, Jenna(24).
“Once I was in her bedroom I found out that she was one of those webcam girls. I couldn’t just touch her, she wanted to earn money while I was there. So every time some creepy dude on the other side of the universe would transfer money, I could do something to her. It was weird, frustrating and made me realize that I have no boundaries”, Steven(29).
“He just finished a long relationship but I was super into him and went home with him. After we had very lame sex he put on ‘my funny valentine’ and stared into the distance without saying a word for fifteen minutes”, Karen(23).
“Ended up in bed with a stranger. After we had sex, he got dressed and asked me: ‘how much do I owe you?’ (To be clear: I’m not a prostitute.)”, Tom(23).
“He was going down on me softly and good. Suddenly, he bit me down there and I was so astonished that my knee kicked him in the face. It was the first and last time we had sex”, Eva(24).
“I was putting my clothes back on while she was looking at me with a cricket smile. I asked her what she was thinking. She said: want to know something great? I got engaged last week”, Aaron(25).
“During sex I suddenly got a bloody nose that dripped on his belly. He gave me a tissue, waited until it was over and showed me the door. Weird”, Louis(22).
“After he came he told me he had to leave. The meter was still running”, Maya(25).
“I was having sex with a girl on a chair next to the pool of my camping site. After some time I looked up and saw a security camera. I didn’t tell her though”, Pete(23).
“I ended up in bed with a woman who was totally into BDSM and tried all kinds of stuff on me. Next morning I woke up with an 8-year-old staring at me while I was still cuffed to the bed and a dozen toys were spread around the room. Turns out she was a mom”, Anthony(23).